Ramblings on perspective

Today was... a day. And I shall leave it there for you to read between the very brief lines! Actually I won't - suffice to say that efficiency and intent don't always collide in the realms of hospital care. But tomorrow is another day and we shall see what it holds.

Sam is a bit blocked up with a cold and a chesty cough. He doesn't have a temperature and continues to be happy so we're hoping he can beat it off soon. The respiratory consult examined him as they are puzzled why his oxygen requirements seem to be increasing. We took him to radiology for 2 xrays which were to be examined this afternoon. Tonight his breathing will be monitored and re-assessed tomorrow. His weekly bloods came back with his biliruben levels having dropped their lowest ever down to 100! We shall dance on the table when it gets to double digits! Oh and last night I changed his nappy to discover a small poo! I was so excited, scurrying to find a sample bottle to store it in to show Francis and the Docs this morning. It was greeted with little enthusiasm by the Drs (possibly they have a unit at uni called, NPJ - 'Numbing Parental Joy' )but hey a pooey nappy to a mother is lovely! He continued to have 3 'pooey' nappies and some of the 'evidence' was sent to the lab to determine where/what it is.... it may be sign of infection... so that did quiet the 'cool stool' chant. We wait and see.....

Yesterday we were so pleased with ourselves as we took Samuel out in the morning for the first time, complete with his 3 pumps and oxygen. Sam was in his 3-wheel buggy which I was pushing and Francis was pushing the 6foot feed poll on wheels with the pumps. We ventured across to NICU to join in with their 5th birthday celebrations. It was so fantastic to see many of the Docs and nurses that had cared for Samuel and with whom we'd had many frank and sad conversations about his prognosis..... and it was just delightful to see their joy at seeing how well he was doing. So that was warm fuzzies all around. As we got in the lift to make our way there, a guy got in the lift with us, did a double-take and stared at Samuel and said, 'Man, what's wrong with him?'. It really took us by surprise as our perspective was 'look how great he looks - happy and less yellow and mobile'. I looked at Samuel thinking maybe he had just vomited or something else had gone amiss, then it dawned on me how he looks to 'Joe Blogs'. I think I blurted out something like, 'Oh he's SO well, all this stuff, well that's his normal'. Afterwards I realised we may need to prepare the girls for people's potential ignorance and insensitivities as he makes his way home.

The planning for getting Samuel home is intense and full-on. I was pondering this last night and as I lay on my hospital bed praying (6 more nights but whose counting?!) the word 'perspective' popped in to my mind. My mind went back to the first time I ventured to Auckland 20 years ago. Growing up in a small rural town with no traffic lights, little traffic (I gave way to a horse the day I sat my drivers licence... on way to the race course, not with a cart!) and where everyone knows everyone. Arriving in Auckland was incredibly scary - Traffic, motorways, high-rises, malls and 1 million people - it was expansive and unknown to me. Returning to Auckland after 15 years away having lived in London (9 m) and Bangkok (13 m ) it now seems like a large and easy comfortable city. Auckland hasn't changed much, but our perspective has. I was reminded of Isaiah 55 v 9: For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. I am so glad God has a bigger perspective than me. He sees all the bits to the puzzle and with that renewed knowledge my nervousness fades and my resolve to work with the teeny bit of puzzle I have to the best of my ability, with Gods strength is renewed.

I'll finish with a quote from Jasmine - 8 years, made tonight as we were talking about Sam. Her eyes lit up like she'd just had the most brilliant idea and she said, 'You know Mum, you should become a nurse when you grow up!'.

Time for some shut eye. X Shirl