Thursday, June 13, 2013

Certain Uncertainty

Sam had a great night and was doing really well this morning.  He was weaned right down to 1 litre of  02, his chest sounding quite clear and no further physio required..... so we were talking with gastro about possibly heading home tomorrow.

Then  we heard that the respiratory team had reviewed Sams xrays and are concerned he has pulmonary hypertension, which needs looking into asap.  They have asked for cardio input, but it's not happened today so hopefully they will come tomorrow morning.  I'm not that clued up on pulmonary hypertension so shall be googling that tonight, but my ignorant understanding of it is that high pressure blood is shooting through his lungs at a higher rate than should be.  The source of the issue needs to be pinpointed and then I guess we'll hear more.

Francis had popped in for lunch and we were looking forward to the weekend and plans we had with the girls etc, and half an hour later a new Dr walks in and 'wham', it doesn't look like we are going anywhere.

So tonight I'm really disappointed, tired and sad.  At this stage in an admission I get very protective and just want to take my little boy home, away from all the teams that each come in and poke and prod and do their thing..... I know they need to do it, but when I see this happy little guy looking so well laughing in his cot, it's frustrating hearing of yet other potential complications. It's also hard hearing constantly about his condition - we forget it at home - he's just Sam!  But in hospital caring people are dealing with medical anatomy and that becomes wearying.  So instead of turning into the spiral of pity that can so easily follow, I opened my bible and was reading the story in Luke 11 where Jesus tells a story of a person waking up a friend at midnight to ask for food for an unexpected visitor.  The friend doesn't initially help as the kids are asleep and it's a hassle to unlock the house, but the person persists.... then it comes to the bit I love where it says, 'I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.'

I googled 'audacity' and it came up with this: boldness or daring, esp. with confident disregard for personal safety, conventional thought, or other restrictions; nerve.

With shameless audacity I will bang on God's door tonight and ask him for what we need - healing for Sam and wholeness for our family.  With bold and daring confident disregard for conventional thought I will talk to God about it all - my disappointment at this new medical find, my tiredness, my sadness that Sam will have to endure more tests.  I love that God is way above conventional thought and is not restricted by the natural....his light and truth creates a new reality where anything can happen because God is not confined to our logic or ways.  And this truth floods me with hope and holds me from the edge of the precipice that sometimes I edge towards when I only see the natural world. 

I hope your day, no matter what joys, challenges and tears you faced, can end with some quiet to off load your cares on the one that loves you greatly and is not limited to the natural.

I'm hoping for Sam to have a long sleep ... so I can!Sleep well X


Jo Pelan said...

Oh Shirley, I only just read about Sam's horrendous week now. So sorry to hear of this latest setback, just when you thought you'd be packing up to go home. Praying for a good nights sleep for you and Sam, and some positive news in the morning.
God bless you heaps,
Jo x

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you all.
Love Raewyn

Anonymous said...

Tell Sammy that Poppa John want to see him with his "thumbs up"
we are praying .

John and Janice

Anonymous said...

And AMEN to all that you said Shirley. God's shoulders are big enough for all we can load onto Him - and then we can trust Him to take care of it all! xxxx Jude and co

The Doughertys said...

Praying with you xxx Ive been to field days today with Sammy and found it all rather boring, was hoping they'd be home décor and furnishings but all I got was farming stuff...blah!!!. Col can take Sam next year. Love you guys. Fi xxxxx