Candace did a speech at school last month titled, 'Facing your Mountain'. It was very inspired and talked about having courage to face and climb your mountain, as the view at the top would be worth the hard yards.
Sam seems to have a whole mountain range to climb. On Wednesday evening I packed an overnight bag and headed to a friends place for 2 nights of RnR. Thursday morning Starship called at 8.45 am to say Sam had a really high temperature, a sore arm (possible PICC infection) and his GJ (Feeding tube) was blocked and could I come in - I did have a lovely 12 hours at my friends house!
Of course the only thing a Mum wants to do at this point is to get in, so when I arrived at Starship I was in time to help Sam face his mountain. I walked in to the room full of nurses/Drs about to put a line in his hand. He hand numbing cream on both hands and feet, ready to find a good vein. Sam had a temperature, which meant he was less co-operative - actually he was fighting! So 10 minutes of me and 2 others restraining him and him shouting at everyone, 'Go away, I wish you were dead!' Thankfully the Dr got the line in first pop.
Shortly after we headed to Xray, again this didn't go well. They wanted to take abdo and chest xrays which required him lying on his side on a small table - he was hysterical and it was a long 10 minutes restraining him to get the right images.
He was traumatised but he calmed down once back in his room. Him and I managed an afternoon nap. Then the magic of Coca Cola was used to unblock his GJ tube - true story. Coke is a powerful dissolvent when every other thing has failed!
The Xrays showed he may have a possible chest infection, so he was started on IV antibiotics. He is on the surgical acute list today. They are hoping to pull out his PICC line and put in a double lumen line in his neck. He needs good access for surgery on Monday and also for IVN.
I am finding it tough seeing him struggle so much with each procedure - when he was little this was easier. Now we have to negotiate everything and still he may not comply.
It is upsetting as a mother seeing your baby struggle and being able to do nothing about it. This is his mountain, yet I need to be there to support him in his marathon hike.... and that is tough. I think the speed at which his health can change and dip is also traumatic - for him and us.
So today is another big day in Sams life. We talked yesterday of courage and he talked of being scared... we talked and prayed and cuddled. I pray for his physical health, but I pray more for peace for his heart and mind as he faces his mountain. He faces it with people around him that love him, but I believe even his little heart can know the peace and presence of God, who loves him and cares for him.