I sometimes feel overwhelmed as author of 'Sams Blog'. You know that feeling when you have watched the news and had a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach at the state of the world after viewing one horrible world event/disaster/human tragedy after another..... sometimes I just can't bare to watch or read any more and switch off from the news for a few days so that I'm not overwhelmed by the carnage and sadness in the world. Well sometimes I feel that you the readers must feel the same when reading Sams blog - ongoing carnage and sadness!
Sam came home on Sunday around 1:30 pm. I was so glad to finally be having some happy news for you all! He had a really happy afternoon and as evening came around I delved back into his routine of hanging fluids, priming pumps, putting in catheters and drains. He settled well and was so happy to be back in his room. He kept asking me to sleep with him (after having a sleeping companion in hospital every night he normally takes a few days to adjust to being on his own) so I curled up beside him on a mattress - well that was until around 1am when he woke clearly distressed. His temperature was 38.4 but after about an hour he settled with panadol on board. But that was short lived and we had broken sleep, high temps and a very sad wee boy from around 3am til I got him in to Starship around 11.30. I know that seems a long time to wait, but I was happy he was comfortable and I really wanted him to get his over night fluids into him.
He arrived at hospital with a 39.2 temp and he was very unwell and red eyed from lack of sleep. By the time various medical people came in he was very unhappy, actually down right physical as he fought off procedures. I stayed with him until around 1pm, when Francis took over, as it is school holidays and I took Candace and Mum out for the afternoon. The girls were so disappointed Sam had to head back in as we had mapped out daily holiday plans with great excitement the night before.
This afternoon Sam had ultrasounds of his chest drain site/neck surgical site, chest xray, blood cultures and urine samples taken. No obvious source of infection had been found, but he has been started on antibiotics until more information appears. It could just of course be a random virus. At 6 pm I spoke to Sam and he had just arrived in his room back on Ward 26b and had a temperature of 40.2!
I was so frustrated and mad with God through the night. I am sad that Sam has to endure more discomfort of procedures and has to fight another something.... we would so love him to be able to be home and run around and enjoy life..... I know my perspective is very limited, as are all individual perspectives, but I was so looking forward to being home with all 3 kids these holidays.... hopefully it is just a simple virus and it can quickly run its course. Tomorrow I will head in first thing so Francis can escape for the morning and then we will swap again in the afternoon to juggle work/girls commitments.
I would totally understand if you felt you wanted to switch off 'the Sam news' for a few days so you weren't hit with the reality of his life and could just enjoy your own life for a bit. I know sometimes I wish I could! I actually feel stink writing about it, as I wish I could tell you all loveliness. And then the flip side of that is I just want to hang out with him, whether that is in hospital or home. I do know my feelings are totally unreliable and it's ok to have 'bad days'.... I am looking forward to sleep and the hope of a new day tomorrow, where God promises to never leave us and that his mercy is fresh and new, no matter what kind of a mess/doubt/yuck we got in to today. I do hope and pray that Sam continues to get strong not just in his body, but in his heart.